thoughts ...

A half written story I chose to forget
I`m full of regrets when the past begets
You're safely obscure somewhere , taken unaware
That there`s someone who still does care
Do you know there was a lot left to share
When you were there
and now though there`s time to spare
The feelings only bring despair .
I am left to gape and  blatantly stare .
Those eyes 'spoke' with such flair
that none other could possibly compare .
But now here`s a story  you left bare
and grief entwines with the soul at every "layer"
nevertheless the lips  will forever pray a silent prayer , a silent prayer ...

figments of imagination .....

एक  नज़र  हमारे   नज़रों  से  कभी -कभी  मिल  जाया  करतीं ,
आपस  में  कुछ  अनकही  बातें   हो  जाती ,
इक दिन जो करीब  सी  वो आ गयी ,
एक  चंचल  उतावलापन  हमें वो  दिखला गयी 
जैसे  वो  हमारी  ही  रह  देख  रही  थी  अब  तक  .
जैसे  कितना  कुछ  कहना  चाह  रही  हो
पर  अनजानेपन  से  कतरा  रही  हो l
वो  चुप  रहती   पर  हमें  खबरें  मिलती 
तब  क्या  होता   जब  ये  नज़रें  मिलती l
उन  नज़रों  ने  न  जाने  कितने  गीतों  को  मेरा  अपना  बनाया
कितने  धुनों  में  हमने  उनका  ख्याल  गुनगुनाया l
वो  दिन  भी  क्या  दिन  थे ,
की  हम  , हम  नहीं  थे ,
और  शायद  वो  वो  नहीं   थे ,
हर  एक  लम्हा  यादगार  था  हर  एक  लम्हा   हसीं ,
मुलाक़ात  तो  नहीं  थी , नाम  भी  अनाम  था  ,
पर  उस  अनजानेपन  से  ही  हमें  बड़ा  लगाव सा था  l
आज  यादें  वही  हैं  पर  वो  लम्हे  नहीं  हैं ,
वो  नज़रें  जाने  कहा  हैं  पर  हम  तो  वही  के  वही  हैं  !


कैसे  दो  नज़रें  मिल  जाती  है   अचानक  ही ,
और  कैसे  लोग  दूरियों   की  गहराईयों  में  कही  गुम  हो  जाते  हैं ,
 हमारी तरह  शायद  वो  भी  इसे  कोई  प्यारा  सा  ख्वाब  मानकर  ज़िन्दगी  जिए  जाते  हैं l

description of a happy desolation !

एक पुराना मकान है गली किनारे ,
लाल स्याह रंग की एक गेट मानो कब से टिकी हो घर के अस्तित्व को जिन्दा रखे l
गेट के किनारों पर उग आई घास भी मुरझा गयी है l
घर के आउटहाउस में रखी बेंत की कुर्सियां थोड़ी टूटी हैं , धूल की एक चादर के आगोश में समां गयी हैं ,
दीवार घड़ी जो न जाने कब से रुकी हों , अब गौरैय्ये का बसेरा है जिनमें दो
छोटे बच्चे हैं , उनकी मधुर ध्वनि से अब भी कुछ रौनक है l
पंखे की ब्लेड पर कालिख और धूल की परत जम गयी है ,
रूम की दरारों में बारिश का पानी कुछ ऐसे टपकता है जैसे रूह की परतों से आंसू छलछला कर बाहर आ जाए l
कमरे के कोनों में सीलन ने कुछ अजीबोगरीब आकृतियाँ बना दी हैं ,
पानी की बूंदे रीस कर जब उनपर फैलती हैं तो ये अनजानी आकृतियाँ मानो जीवंत हो उठती हैं l
जमीन कुछ इंच नीचे धंस गयी है , शायद अकेलेपन का बोझ न सह सकी वो l
लटके हुए दरवाज़े आंधी में दीवार से टकराते हैं तो लगता है किसी को आवाज़ देकर पुकार रहे हों l

before twilight ( Greek shore )

the light is fading
as the sun is 'gulped' by the 'Greek' horizon.
the translucent sea-waters
just turned opaque with sun`s reflection .
a color , reddish-orange  fills the entire sea,
a color smooth enough to soothe the soul .
I sit back and enjoy the  prolific scene,
the crabs ran past me and soon go unseen!
the turtles get cozy at 'home' ,
the water splashes against my feet
and tickles them into dancing to some unknown beat !
the houses stand around the shore 
as the glitter of the crimson  reflection  
from their window panes
adds to the beauty  thereof.
The children, they play some game ,
they run around with  sticks
and draw some doodles random on the ground
which  are soon to be washed away by the waters !
They are  innocent , they draw it again and again
hoping  it would stay .
the sea gulls give a final cry
the day has ended and off to home they fly .
The dim Greek  lamps are slowly lit and 
I lay down and think of thoughts untried thought fit
the reason I live , the reason I smile
I have found  all here and there`s nothing to hide !

................

though moonlit nights ,
though starry skies
it`s all sighs
pains arise
its not a surprise
even with a tough soul inside
there`s still a lot to suffice
things don`t seem at ease
as i see the past freeze
things really don`t seem at ease
it tests you completely
there`s a lot to "believe'
there`s a lot to "deny'
as the sands of time fall by
time is a cruel mate
its makes you wait
it tests your patience
degrades your state
and fills you with an unending rage.......

It`s strange. When you  suddenly leave , I feel I`m lost in the middle of an ocean pitch black at night .Its a blank feeling ,a  nauseated revulsion . Either I`m over expressive or I`m obsessed ! I have no clue ! I would go with the former for I`m a lot confused . This confusion is killing .

दिल चाहता है

दिल   चाहता  है   इन   लम्हों  को   रोक  लूं  l
दिल  चाहता  है कुछ  पल  और  जी  लूं  l


दिल  चाहता  है  फिर  से  खो  जाऊं   उन  यादों  में l
वो यादें  जो  कभी  न  मिटेंगी  ,और  न  फिर  कभी  फिर  रचेंगी l


दिल   चाहता  है    तुम   सब  के   साथ   कुछ  दूर   और  चलूँ ,
कुछ  और  हस  लूं , कुछ  और  मुस्कुरा  लूं  ,
कुछ   और  किस्से  कह  लूं , कुछ  और  दिल  बहला  लूं  l


आज  हम   इस   मुकाम  पर  हैं   ,
जिसके बाद   कभी  हम  शायद  न  मिलें  l
पर  उम्मीद है  कि  यादें  सदा दिलों में  खिलती रहें l

वक़्त  तो  बहुत  ही  कठोर  है  ,यह   किसी  के  लिए   रुकता  नहीं l
पहले   है  जोड़ता  और  फिर   जुदा  करने  से   चूकता  नहीं l


आज  लगता  है  हम  किसी  चौराहे  पर  खड़े  हैं  ,
राहें   सबकी  अब  अलग  है  ,सबके  सपने  बड़े  हैं l
पर  यह  हृदय   है  जो  सबमें  सदा  जीवंत   है  , और  सब  इससे  ही तो  जुड़े  हैं I


उम्मीद  करता  हूँ   कि  तुम  हमें   न  भूलना  ,
जो   राह  में   कभी  तुम  खुद  को   अकेला   पाना ,
तो  छोटी  सी ये  मेरी  पंक्तियाँ   ज़रूर  पढ़ना l


सोचना  कि  दूर  कहीं  तुम्हारा  एक  दोस्त  है  ,
जिसके  हाथ  तुम्हारे  लिए  सदा  है  प्रार्थना  में  जुड़े l
प्रार्थना  कि  तुम्हें  राहों  पर  बस  फूल  ही  फूल  मिलें  l

pessimism for a change !!

there are  no "perfect' places to talk
and no "perfect" paths to walk
no perfect evenings to rock
the life`s  like a herded flock 
there`s a mind , that`s where is the   "lock'
and that`s too where there`s a  live "clock"  
a clock that ticks away like a "bomb" 
making me dumb and numb and senseless and stumped.
and yes ! even Dilemma has a mind more firm
She tells  me  " you , a suirmy worm!"
it`s a way now but  i wish  there`s  a way  out !
the dusks and dawns are the same throughout
the meanings stand, with reason lost
the mind is like a 'frozen frost'  
can there be a way i could cross
the river of  these endless mental forays 
o lord ! show me a way
for to thee i pray
these days may  magically fade  away ....
   

आत्मनिरीक्षण

     

सौ  दर्द  हैं  इस  दिल   में l
दर्द  जो  बेजुबां  हैं ,
पर  फिर  भी  चीख  कर  कह  रहे  हैं,
कि  कहा  खो  गया  तेरा  कारवां  है l
तुम   क्या   से   क्या    हो    गए  ?
क्या   तुम  किसी  दुराहे  पर  खो  गए ?
क्यूं गम  हो  गए  तुम   इस  भीड़  में ?
क्यूं  डर  कर   हँसना   छोड़   दिया ?
क्यूं खुल  कर  तू  जीना  भूल  गया  ?
ये   किस  बात   का   तुझे  हर  वक़्त  ग़म  है ?
क्यूं तेरी  ये   आखें  नम   हैं ?
क्यूँ   तुझे   खुद   से  इतना  डर  है ?
क्यूँ  हमेशा  तुझे  कोई  फ़िक्र  है?
क्या   तेरा  दिल  कोई  मोम हो  गया ?
कहा  खो  गया  वो  तेरा  खुद  का  आसमां ?
क्यों  तू  अब  दूसरों  को  देख  रहा  है ?
कभी  खुद  को  एक  बार  देख  ले ,
 तू  खुद  को  ठीक  से  पहचान   ले l
तू  वो  है  जैसी  किसी  की  हस्ती  भी  नहीं l
तू  एक  आग  है  जो  कभी  थमती  ही  नहीं l
तो  जीवन  को   एक  "समंदर "  तू  बना l
नदी  की  तरह  हर  वक़्त  अचंभित  रहना  छोड़   दे ,
और  राह  में  जो  काटें  हैं  उनसे  डरना  तू   छोड़   दे l.

एक मोहब्बत

तनहा  हूँ   इन  राहों  में ,
गुमसुम  हूँ  अकेलेपन  के  ख्यालों  में ,
जो  साथ  मिले  तुम्हारा ,
कुछ  दूर  ही  सही  ,
कुछ  देर  ही  सही   ,
संभल  जाएँगे  ये  कदम   ,
थोड़ा  खुश  हो  लेंगे  हम ,
कुछ  दूर  ख़ुशी  से  बढ़  लेंगे  हम l



दिल  हमें   भी  है  ,
हम   पत्थर  नहीं  l
थोड़ी  ख़ुशी  का  हक़  हमे   भी  है ,
थोड़ी  जीने  की  आरज़ू  हमे  भी  है l
आज  हम  हैं  तुम  हो  ,
कल  कौन  कहाँ  हो  क्या  पता ,
तो आओ  इस  पल  को  जी  लें  ,
थोड़ा  मुस्कुरा  लें  , थोड़ा  हँस  लें l
कल  का  क्या  शायद  न  आए ,


तो  ऐ   मेरे  दोस्त  तू   साथ  चल ,
कुछ  दूर  और  इस  डगर  पर ,
मंजिल  की   मुझे  नहीं  है  फिकर ,
 गर  साथ  हो  तुम  जैसा  कोई  हमसफ़र l.

"YOU"

her eyes , a desert-oasis,
an unpretending smile with a sweet innocence,
her voice , a mild gurgling in the stream,
the wind as it sways ,carries every essence of her.

the light that onto you falls
will travel a thousand miles to tell you
how i miss you
oh god ! I`m blessed indeed
to even miss you !
I feel now that dreams do come true
for you are a dream and you are true
come what may i hope we get through ,
to find us in a new world .
I don`t need a heaven , just "you" would do
I don`t need a way , we`ll make one , it`s true.
let the breeze be my messenger to you
to tell you i`m there and soon it will all be true.

when the clouds , the horizon, surround
and there seems to spread darkness around
my heart misses some things profound
how i wish to walk in the rains abound
to walk with you ,with your fragrance around .
i know i`ve been going in circles round
and return to where it all was first found .

your voice still rings in my head like the christmas bell,
hence the heart ,with glee ,doth swell
its in my soul that you dwell
its known to me you know this well
it doesn`t matter what the world has to tell
may i tell them they may go to hell !!

A Monsoon Evening....

sitting in the verandah
at the window,
a whole new world is what I discover !

its pouring heavily outside,
trees sway and dance as if to hug each other.
as the drops pitter patter on the puddles,
i perceive a picture perfect .

the coolness of the wind right on my face
certainly feels like heaven .

the flowers dance to the tunes of the drops!
the birds look so funnily confused and drenched!

a sudden lightning , thunder rolls !
I'm taken by awe.

slowly as the rains slow down
the mild sunlight pierces through the dark clouds,
gives a spectacle so superb .

the wet squirrels scamper out to dry themselves
the flowers glisten as gold in sun !

what happens now is something magical!
something out of this world!
the seven hues have come together under the sun
and left me awestruck !

I'm still amazed,bewildered,confused and "dwarfed"
for such a beauty is nature
and so great must be the Creator.

AT THE BEACH.........

and thus the day ends
its the time of sunset...
the sun with its crimson lining
has something to tell
that it will be back again .
with the dawn of new dreams n new hopes
the birds are tired
they return to their home
the fishermen are seen to head home with the catch
and with the faces of their happy children in their mind
the sound of the waves rise as the darkness falls
its the time for the sea to show its prowess
the stars can be seen now
like shiny crystals embedded all over the black velvet
they become brighter and brighter as the darkness spreads
suddenly there`s a beam of ray
from a lighthouse far away
deep somewhere in the dark.
the full moon slowly rises from a corner
and floods the ambience with a milky shade
the sound of the waves echoes from a horizon unseen
the sight of the sky is a wonder of life..
bonfires at a distant place along the beach
looks like wild sparks

at the tower bridge

its an evening in London.
i got a leave and took a stroll
on the world famous Tower Bridge
i stood right there in the middle when
my eyes rested upon a pond so sound
with roses and lily beds around
and the water, like bluish crystals abound.
closer as i look ,
the pond comes alive
with the fauna that ,in it , thrive.
the frogs, the toads ,the golden fish
no! u cant give them a miss!
slowly my eyes turn to the sky above
the clouds are grey ,
there had been no sunshine today
ah ! this cool wind should take my heart away!
lo ! there`s a thunder somewhere around
the very first drop ,and life seems profound !
the refreshing rain, rejuvenates the soul tense
and reinstates this raucous sense.

so whats on my mind is simple and plain
"this ambience i love, i don't wanna refrain
these moments so precious ,i can`t explain!"

CHILDHOOD...................

how innocent is childhood
how simple the life
no worries ,no cares , no hates to share
of sorrows we are spared
and happiness is sprayed
the pampering
the fostering
the tickling
and the heartful giggling
they make it even more loving
the pure non pretending cries
the singing and dancing like no one`s watching
the frantic impulsive sweet movements
and the soundest sleeps of life.

but alas ,
theses are times which we are slowly robbed off
and which reduce to random glimpses as we tread past life.

WINTERS..................

through the window,
i feel something
slide gently past .
It`s the cool wind,
long past midnight
with the solemn promise.
The promise that the winters
will soon be there.
enthralled was my soul
and joyfully jumped forth
exalted i was to think
It won`t be long,
before the houses will get cozier with fires,
the streets quieter
the nights longer
and the days merrier.
It`s the "fragrance" of the winter guys,
yeah !! the winters are here!! :))

RANDOM THOUGHTS...

1. what`s more important in life is knowing what u don`t want rather than what u do!!!


2. procrastination paves way to all confusion .....both being the equally dangerous foes!!!
procrastination connives with confusion to ruin your life if you give them a chance!!!



3.confidence is a like a steroid sometimes, it can win accolades even to the lesser deserving.


4.being too good a listener leaves you confused at the end of the day!!



5.the bad are good at least in a way.....they make u feel good abt the good people u have in ur life!!



6. but without the bad there would have been no good!!



7. trust your intuitions ,they may put forth u a better truth !!



8.friendship is a necessary but not sufficient condition for love :P


9. hypocrisy / age ( or g.p.a) =constant !!


10. maintaining sincerity to life becomes harder as u walk through it.



11. being on the horns of dilemma is the last thing i want to confront


12. life is not tough...our fear of the future makes it so...



13. matters of love and heart are all based on guess work and probability.... :-p



14. one who cannot follow rules is not entitled to breaking them too.



15. if u do it without a reason , u give me a reason for the retort !!!




16. youth means no unnecessary obligations...though humility
no burdens yet resposibilities
politeness yet firmness


17. being an `idiot` is fine as long as u can be wary of `schemers` and the `overwise`



18. sometimes the past the only solace.........

passing thought....

you give me reason,
you give me hope
you are an inspiration
for the eternal soul
o marvel !


you `mean` me,
and `explain`me
you , i `live`
and `die` for ,no less,
o exquisite !



for u,
it`s a lost life
with endless strife
i shatter , i break ,
and all`s at stake.



i feel like the wind ,
which pines for your feeling
and feels your presence.
embrace you as you are
and `celebrate` your existence.


i look forward to the day ,
when we look at the stars,
through `eyes` exchanged.
and looking onto the horizon,
we perceive ` completion`.


i look forward to the day
when we sit in warm sunshine ,
the splashing `happy` waters
trying to touch us ,
as if they beheld souls divine.


looking through your eyes
i see a different world
a world of delight,
no sorrow or despise,
where everyday we rejoice,rejoice and rejoice.

sitting in the open air,
my eyes rest on the
dark sky.
it`ll rain anytime now.
the clouds are dark,
the air intriguing.
the darkness resembles a state of confusion
sometimes life has to offer.
the clouds of confusion give way after the `rainy days`,
putting forth us a new dawn,
showing there`s so much more life has to offer
and so much more in life to explore
the more you explore the brighter u make life
and the easier it gets as u hence solve its intricacies!!